Dirty Little Thing Called Blog

Dear blog, I know it’s been 7 months since my last confession, and you probably think I’ve forgotten about you. I haven’t. I swear. I can’t quit you.

If you could only see the numerous drafts I’ve started only to realize they weren’t really what I wanted to say. They were just fluff. Bullshit. The truth is, I got my heart broken by a liar and a cheater. That shit really fucked me up. I lost my mojo. Like, hard. It’s been a year. A year since the heartbreak, grief, anger, basically every emotion you can feel. I spent the better part of the last year feeling the shit out of all of those emotions. And, after making it through all that, that’s just what it left me feeling the rest of the year, spent.
I was so busy feeling feelings, I lost myself in it all. I tried to pick myself up several times. But Life kept knocking me back down into the fetal position. Where massive amounts of ice cream were consumed and too many sad movies were watched. I guess I wasn’t really ready then. I am now. I’m ready to get back to loving the shit out of life.

So, that’s what’s been up. I’m closing the door on writing about the shitty shit. For now, at least. I’ve missed writing. Even if it is fluffy bullshit. It’s something. Writing makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Oh wait, that’s vodka. Vodka does that.
I leave you with this final adieu to the broken version of me.

you know why

Peace & Love,

J

 

The hope monster.

He was like a drug.

I couldn’t get enough of him. The way he touched me. The way he grabbed my face to kiss me. The look in his eyes when we had sex. It consumed me. Completely. My body, my thoughts, my heart, my whole being. Then, one day, unexpectedly, he said he had to say goodbye.

In the beginning, I refused to believe that goodbye. I told myself I WOULD hear from him again. That he wasn’t gone forever like a dream we can’t remember when we wake from it. I told myself he would call or text or email or send a message in a bottle. I told myself it would happen. I hoped it would happen. That hope is what got me out of bed in the morning. That hope is what got me to actually shower, to actually make myself presentable. Hope made me do those things and go through the motions. Everyday. All day. I hoped. Minutes turned to hours. Hours to days. Days to weeks. Weeks to months.

Hope is a vicious monster. Hope sucks all the power you thought you possessed as a strong, independent woman right the fuck out of you. Hope lets you think marathons of The Notebook and Adele on repeat are an ok thing.

Hope is a real bitch.

So Fresh and so Clean. Clean!!

6monthprogresspic

Just under 6 months ago, I decided I was sick of being a fat kid…again. I was barely fitting into my “fat jeans” and I refused to buy any bigger sizes of clothing. So, I was forced to recycle the same 3 pairs of jeans, and layer up on my shirts to hide the fact that they weren’t fitting anymore. (Side note: Layering clothes is not particularly awesome when it’s 100 degrees outside by 8am)

I had read a few blogs about clean eating and stumbled upon the blog, Blogilates. Cassey provides a 90 day meal plan along with daily workout videos. I decided to give this “clean eating” thing a try & used her plan along with some recipes from Instagram & The Gracious Pantry blog.

I started drinking at least a gallon of water a day and doing an hour of cardio 5 days a week. I followed the Blogilates plan closely for the first week or so. Then I used it as a guide to create my own meals. I love to cook and try new things so I new I wasn’t really going to stick with eating the same things over and over like on her plan. For some people, that works. I need a little variety.

I’m not going to bullshit you, the first week was hard. Really hard. I went from eating 2 eggs, 2 slices of bacon, a hashbrown patty and a flour tortilla for breakfast, to egg whites and a half of a banana. It was rough. But I stuck with it.  The second week was mildly easier. But I stuck with it. The third week was a little easier than the first 2. By the fourth week, my clothes were actually fitting. Not tightly. But, comfortably!

It’s now 6 months later. I have dropped from a size 18 to a size 6. My shirts have gone from a XXL to a Small. I am the healthiest I have ever been in my adult life. And it’s fucking awesome!! I look forward to waking up and sweating out the calories. I look forward to cooking up healthy and delicious morsels in the kitchen. I used to call myself the “fatty girl” Now people call me skinny! (I still have to work on accepting compliments as I am quick to correct people that tell me I’m skinny. Because I’m not. I’m healthy!)

I’ve still got pounds to lose but this isn’t a diet. It’s a lifestyle. So, I’ll continue living my life this way no matter my weight!

Now, I’m on a mission to help my Mom get healthy too. So, I’ve decided to share with you the clean eating journey. From the beginning. This journey is modified as my mom is over 65 and I want to ease her into it. Here are the ways I’m getting her started.

1.-Set Small, Achievable Monthly Goals.

Here are her first month goals: 1. Journal everything you eat. (I use the Myfitnesspal app on my iphone. But Mom’s does it old school. So, I gave her a composition notebook.) 2.Cardio 3x/week for 15 minutes. 3. (This is a weekly goal for this week) No eating out. Prepare every meal at home.

2.-Drink at least a gallon of water.

This goal is hard at first. I found that keeping a  24 oz. refillable Brita water bottle with me at all times made it easier. I knew i had to drink at least 3 of those a day. I would drink one after my morning cardio, one after breakfast, and one with lunch. I try to get my water consumption in early so I’m not up all night peeing. TMI? :P

3. Eat every 2-3 hours. Follow a meal plan.

Meal planning is crucial in order for me to stick to a routine. I like to create my plan on Sunday and get shopping for the week knocked out by Monday morning. Trader Joe’s is a favorite stop of mine. As well as Food For Less and other discount grocery stores. I’m trying to get the most healthy bang for my buck!!! :)

I’ll be posting as many pics with recipes as I can on Instagram. If you’re not already, follow me! What are you waiting for?!

4. Get moving. NO EXCUSES!!!

I’m starting my mom on a smaller plan than I did for myself.

I started with cardio 5x/week for an hour. Plus, strength training. I’m still looking to incorporate a regular strength training workout in to my routine. But I know that’s different for everyone.

To get started with strength training, I’d suggest the videos on Blogilates, as mentioned earlier. The Tone It Up girls also have some awesome workout videos AND they just started a really cool 6 week weight loss program yesterday! Complete with meal plans, shopping lists, & a workout schedule! Plus, it’s FREE!!!

So, that’s how we start this clean eating journey! If you have any questions or tips or shoutouts, just leave a comment below!

I hope y’all will join me (and my momma) on making 2013 the year we show our health who’s boss. And no, it’s not Tony Danza! It’s you!!! :)

Happy, Healthy New Year!!!
Peace and Love,

J

Ten on Tuesday

Yo! What’s cracken?!?!? Sorry. I was listening to Childish Gambino last night. I’m feeling the swag this morning. I have no idea what that means. It just felt right. Ready to get your Ten on Tuesday on??

Speaking of Childish Gambino…

You may have seen him on Community. Or on his Comedy Central Stand Up Special. But, the real deal with Donald Glover is his rapping. He’s amazing. Check out this vid. I mentioned he’s a rapper, right? Just checkin.

Here’s something fun I found on his website. It’s a cartoon medley. It’s awesome!

Big Brother:

In case you didn’t know this, I’m obessed with Big Brother. I’m also impatient as hell. For that reason, Big Brother Network is my savior. It basically updates the happenings in the house in real time. So, if you’re an impatient bastard like me, you don’t have to wait til the show airs to know whats cracken (yes. I realize that’s twice I’ve used that word. No. I’m not proud.) in the house. You’re welcome.

HAPPY:

Word.

WANT:

pink flats and a camera necklace?! Yes please.

This too.

THE HELP:

This movie was fantastic. Go see it. Take lots of tissue. LOTS.

Fres-now-you-know:

Fulton 55 is the No’s newest concert venue. I’ve been to 4 shows there since it opened. The venue itself is pretty cool. It’s 2 story, with bars & restrooms on both levels. All the shows I’ve seen have been awesome! Which brings me to this weekend;

This Saturday night Fulton 55 is hosting an 80’s dance party! I am currently figuring out which super sweet 80’s outfit to wear & got my crimping iron ready to rock! I can’t wait!!! Hurry up, Saturday!!!

Finally, a shameless plug.

My Nola Love page on Facebook is so close to 400 fans!! When I get there, I’ll be giving away a set of my whipped body frosting & sweet sugar scrub! AND, a sweet hair accessory!! If you haven’t already “liked” the page, what are you waiting for?!?!? :) If you wanted to tell all of your friends about it, that’d be cool too.

Hope y’all have a great week!

Peace and Love,

J

 

 

 

 

Big Bro-tables

Last night on Big Brother….

“I felt like Charlie in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory!”

“If we were playing Big Brother all the time, we’d have a fine relationship”

“I got something baking in the oven!”

“Room dawgs for life!”

“Why arent they wearing that robe?! You better rock it! You HOH!!”

“We can lead you to the promise land!”

“At the age of 26, you really don’t need Botox.” “27?” Nope.” “how about 30?”

“The Regulators! We’re going!”

“Turn off the lights & let me see them spots glow!”

“I need my bacon!”

“So, basically, I’m on the team full of girls.”

“What is this, space milk mountain?”

“There’s no such thing as space cows.”

“I am a sexy milkman!”

“I’m in a milky beautiful sandwich!”

“I’m like, besides myself excited”

“I felt like I was in a women’s prison fight!”

“The true mark of a princess or queen is that you can deal with anything.”

“Thank you sir! Feed me more!”

Talk on the blogs is that Keith is going home this week. Let’s see if the “Regulators” hold true to their alliance. Also, is Rachel really still yelling in the DR? I mean, really? No one told her she doesnt need to yell? Ugggh.

Big Bro-tables

Hi. My name is Janice. I’m a Big Brother addict.

Last night, Season 13 kicked off with not 1, not 2, but 3 “expect the unexpected” twists! The first twist, it’s a season of duos. All players will be in teams of 2. Second, they brought back 3 BB Alum to compete. Brendon and Rachel. Really? Really BB? Cuz having to deal with her ridiculous laugh/snort, extensions, heavy eye-makeup, and her incessant mistaken yelling of  her now fiance’s name, “Brennan!” all last Summer wasnt enough torture?? ugggh. I’m happy to see Jeff and Jordan back. They are too cute for words. Dick and Danielle. Ecch. We were introduced to 8 new players. Adam is my fave so far! Who’s yours?

There are so many hilarious lines in these shows. So, I’ve decided to post quoteables after each episode. Here’s my “bro-tables” from last night’s episode. PS I love that they had to climb on giant bananas. Mostly cuz I’m 12….

“The Lord is my Shepherd and he knows what I want!”

“I like guys with some kind of ethnicity.”

“9021-00000000!”

“If I say yes, I’m his jail buddy.”

“My mind is like a twizzler!”

“Dick makes me feel like chopped liver. And I hate chopped liver.”

“And I’m praying to the banana gods”

“I’m riding that banana like a bucking bronco!”

 

Because she’s the dumbest “chemist” I’ve ever seen, she get’s her own section.

Red’s Ridiculousness-

“I’m back bitches!”

“I spend most of my time on bananas.”

“Then you get shot with whip cream in the face!”

“No one comes between me and my banana!”

Can you name each quote’s owner? Did I miss any memorable ones?

Now to catch up on Big Brother After Dark!!!

 

Ten on Tuesday

Ten things I’m diggin on Tuesday:

HBO GO

I love this app for my ipad! You can watch pretty much every episode from all of their  series’! All seasons of Entourage AND True Blood?!?! Awesome sauce!!

The Daily Motivator

“Life brings you great and wonderful gifts each day. Be aware, be appreciative, and be willing to make the best use of every one.” -Ralph Marston

I found this website about a month ago. It’s the first thing I read every morning. It’s a great way to start my day off on a positive note! You should check it out!!

http://greatday.com/

MUPPETS!!!!

STRIPES:

Still loving the stripes for Summer!!!!

SANDAL TIME!!!

Love these glitter sandals!!

 

WORD:

 

YUM:

Captain Crunch chicken tenders. Yes. please.

COOLEST DOORKNOB EVS:

WANT:

Notebook makeup bag. I ALWAYS forget my eyeliner!! Uggggh!!!! :)

C.S.I.

No, not that CSI. My friend Amie is having a baby as we speak. His name is Caleb. Im pretty excited. I can’t wait to meet him. I plan on being the best bad influence ever.

Congrats Amie and Jacob!!!

Hope y’all have a great week!

Peace and Love,

J

 

 

Seeking…..

Today I don’t have, “things i’m diggin”. Today, I have words. And thoughts. That’s it. Here goes.

I recently had a new friend come into my life. After a night of staying out way too late, while sipping coffee on the couch until late in the afternoon, we had one of those “getting to know you” conversations. We talked about life experiences, relationships, and  friendships. It felt good.

Several weeks past. Other friendships and  relationships dissolved. And I felt pretty depressed about it all.

I spent some time reflecting on my sadness and my disappointment in people. And the insight and perspective of another person. I came to a realization, I’ve spent so much time trying to help other people, and hanging on to relationships and friendships full of dysfunction because they were what I knew and who I thought I was supposed to be with, that I lost sight of what’s really important, me! I’ve spent so much time  trying to help other people be happy and invested so much in their happiness that I feel like I’ve lost concept of my own worth.

I think about that new friend and her life experiences. She’s been through so much and doesn’t carry any of the negativity or sadness of the past with her. She looks forward to the future with optimism and hope. Then I look at my life and I think, “What the hell am I doing?!”  I mean, I’m losing all this sleep over what? OTHER people’s happiness?! When at the end of the day, all that matters, all that I’m in control of, is mine.

I know it sounds Buddhist, (and no, I haven’t been smokin anything. Though, i wouldn’t mind it. ;) ) if I’m happy, everything else in my life is happy too. I don’t attract those people with endless problems, drama and emotional drain. Those people don’t gravitate towards happy people. They look for people that are lost just like them. People that NEED other people. I don’t need those people. I need happy. I read a quote today that really moved me. Maybe it’s because of  this emotional, pensive state I’m in, but I find it to be SO true.

“Your attitude in every moment defines what you are seeking. And what you seek, is what you get.”— Ralph Marston

It’s time to seek my own happiness.
J

Fashion Friday-Accessorize!!!!!!!!!

My name is Janice and I’m an accessory addict. Whew! I feel so much better now. It’s true. I have an accessory addiction and I don’t plan on reforming anytime soon. So, let’s gush about sweet accessories I probably won’t end up buying….possibly…maybe…ok, ok. I already ordered 3 things. Don’t judge!!

This Lace metal cuff screams “kick ass!” And, “I’m a fragile flower who wears lace.” at the same time.

 

This is the keep calm and carry on purse. Yes. Please.

Leaf earrings. Weird? Nope. Awesome? Yes!!

This boater hat will go smashingly with my boat shoes. Before you ask, yes, I am serious. :)

Yes, another infinity scarf. I’m obsessed.

A 2 finger ring. Cuz your other fingers get jealous!!

What fashions are you into this week?? Hope y’all have a great weekend!!

Peace and Love,

J

Ten on Tuesday

It’s not Sunday. It’s Tuesday. And these are the 1o things I’m into:

1. Creme de la Cake

I am now officially an official baker! EEEEEK! I LOVE my new job. My boss is amazing. The cakes are amazing. Life is good! The cupcake bakery opens Valentine’s Day! I am really excited about it! I hope you can stop by, say hello, and have a cupcake. YUM!!!

2. Doug Loves Movies

Doug Loves Movies is a podcast done by comedian Doug Benson. It’s funny. Like, really funny.

3.  Mini Corn Dog Muffins from Recipe Girl

I made these for the superbowl. They are yummy! And, super easy to make!!

4. Circle Scarf-American Apparel

This might be the only item i could “comfortably” wear from this place. Bonus, this kick ass “ways to wear it” chart:

5. Indie Biz 3.0

If you are contemplating starting a creative biz or have already started one but need a little direction, take this with me!!! I’ve been waiting for this for a year!!! I am so excited to learn and meet like-minded creatives!!! The class starts in March!

6. The Postal Service- <3

7. Love quotes (I know…I’m a cheeseball…)

8. The Daily for ipad

I love this ipad only newspaper. It is awesome. Finally, a reason to pick up my ipad, everyday!!

9. Rock. Chalk. Jay.Hawk.

My boys are kicking ass and taking names. (If you don’t know what this means, you’re fired!)

10.  Spring Flats!!!

It’s perfectly normal to want boat shoes even though I don’t have a boat, right????

Hope y’all have a great week!

Peace and Love,

J